


through the scattered glass

by SachiMalff



Category: Thai Actor RPF, ทฤษฎีจีบเธอ | Theory of Love (TV), ทฤษฎีจีบเธอ | Theory of Love (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt, Infidelity, M/M, OabGun - Freeform, Post-Break Up, offgun - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:47:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27039712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SachiMalff/pseuds/SachiMalff
Summary: Off holds Gun tight with his gaze because their bodies are metres apart but their hearts are hundreds miles away.
Relationships: Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat/Oab Oabnithi Wiwattanawarang, Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	through the scattered glass

**Author's Note:**

> Try listening to "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron while reading this. Hehe enjoy!

>   
>  "Does it ever stop hurting?"
> 
> "No, you just make room for it."  
> 

Off hates party. He always does, but call him masochist really, because now he wants to attend this one. He just wants to. So once he arrives at a certain bar that has been booked for this exclusive party when the clock strikes at ten sharp, everyone stares in disbelief. They're all Thailand actors and almost all of them are GMMTV's, while others are mostly Nadao's.

Of course. Of course they are GMMTV's and Nadao's, because the hosts of this party are—

"Off?"

The owner of the said name turns to the source of voice, and Off lets a weak hi when he sees Arm standing there, looking casual as usual.

"I don't know you'd come."

Off laughs bitterly. "I don't know either."

Arm grins at him, and he gestures him to come with him so Off complies. "You can join me, I'm with the others too."

"Is there—"

"No," Arm quickly answers, as if he can read his mind. "He isn't with us. Probably with... him. Wanna grab some drinks?"

Off knows why Arm doesn't continue his words—and sometimes, Off just wants the words to come in a full sentence so he can feel something else other than numbness, something akin to being hurt. "No, thanks." Off answers it with a finality, because he's here not to get drunk, really.

They stop at a corner which fully packs with some gorgeous men whom Off knows by heart now, and Arm is right—he's not here.

"You come?" New is looking at Off with a puzzled look, and there's a bit reluctance in his question.

Off waves at him with Tay in his right, unsure of what to do.

Of all people, two of them seem to despise Off more than anyone. Maybe because they're his best friends and what Off did betrays their trust and their illusions of who Off was in their minds. Or maybe they're just so much of best friends with a certain someone and they got hurt too when that person was hurt.

_Was._

"Yeah," Off shortly answer, unable to produce more than one-word answer.

Some people pass by, and Off can hear they are talking about him and how they mumble something like "is he crazy".

Well, maybe he is. Maybe he isn't. He doesn't know. He really doesn't.

"Well, enjoy the party, then."

Off snaps his attention back at New who now puts his glass of champagne back in the table beside them and walks away without sparing him a glance. Some men like Joss, Lee, Mond, and Mike follow him, but at least they smile at Off, albeit apologetically.

Tay and Arm stay, but both of them feel so uncomfortable with the awkwardness after the others leave.

New is probably the one who hates Off the most—beside Godji and Jennie, of course—and he doesn't seem to try to mask it. He always storms off whenever he sees Off in sight. Off understands that. After all, New is Gun's closest friend here.

"He's so childish sometimes."

Off stares at Tay in silence. Yeah, Tay Tawan. His best of friend for almost ten years or more. Unlike New who completely erases him as his best friend, Tay kind of still remembers him as his close-knitted buddy, although deep down Off wants him to do the same as what New does—hating him with all his might.

"He has a reason to be." He responds, and they just fall into silence.

Arm's phone buzzes, breaking the uneasy silence between them and he excuses himself to pick the call. He walks away to find a quiet place so he can hear better, and Off catches him saying Alice's name in between.

The loud music is blasting, hurting his eardrums, making his head spin in a second, but Off decides to stay. He wants to stay. He lets his gaze wander around, wanting to look at those people having fun, wanting too see them in person, or just wanting to catch a glimpse of someone.

"How's... Mild?"

Off's gaze comes back to Tay who now looks at him like he regrets asking him the question. They never talk about WJMild, not really. They don't have a reason to and it's still painful to discuss. He knows that Tay hates to talk about it too, but maybe now is the time they should.

Off nods robotically. "Good. She's—"

What is it again? When was the last time he talks to Mild? How is she now? Where is she?

"She's been doing well," he continues.

Tay politely smiles, and he puts his glass down and lets his eyes wander around too. Off follows his gaze, and suddenly his eyes find something he's been looking for since he came here.

Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat. In his usual clothes for partying. Looking good like usual. Or maybe now he's more radiant. More gorgeous. And... happier.

"He always steals the show."

Off nods at Tay's words, knowing well who he's talking about. "How is he?" asks Off, and his question turns out to be plain, unlike what he intends to.

Off sees Gun laugh heartily at whatever Nanon said, and he closes his eyes when it's too much for him to laugh. He's just so gorgeous when he does that. "Good. Happier. Chubbier. Healthier. Alive. Something like that."

It's glad to know Gun is doing so great as what Tay tells him, because really, it should only be Off who breaks. It should only be him.

Just when Off is about to ask Tay another question regarding Gun, his eyes catches a sight of someone he knows too damn well. That person is walking towards Gun, and in one second, Off's eyes see him wrapping his arm around Gun's figure, smiling while kissing his left cheek. The Atthaphan boy is giggling upon receiving the love gesture, and they both dance following the song's rhythms in unison.

Oabnithi Wiwattanawarang.

"Does it ever stop hurting?" Tay asks.

Does it?  
"No." It doesn't, Off knows it too well. In his eyes, he sees Gun turns around, wrapping his arm on Oab's neck, giving him a light kiss and people around them roar. "You just make room for it."

The two of them look so good together. Like they're meant to be, like they're a matchmade in heaven, like God really puts so much thought into making them and decides that they should come in pairs, heart beating at the same time. True love.

He used to be in Oab's position back then, and he used to think that God creates him and Gun in pairs too. He used to think that God decides that they should love each other, but maybe the Almighty thinks that Off is too much of a bastard and Gun is just too good to be with him so He rewrites the destiny and Oab comes into the picture to make right of what is wrong.

"You know..." Off finally speaks as he holds Gun tighter, and he's holding him with his gaze instead of his hands. "He always likes party, and I never went to one with him. He always wants to dance and I'm so terrible at it I never held his hand asking him for a dance. He always likes to wander in town at night just to savor the moment and I was always tired to do that. He always likes to hug me but I hated hugging. He always loves kissing my neck but I thought it's gross. He always loves me unapologetically but..."

In his gaze, Off holds Gun tighter while in reality Oab holds his perfect body with his arm. With his gaze, Off tells Gun his profound love albeit too late while in reality Oab whispers love confession with sweetnothings in his ears. In silence, Off keeps saying he regrets everything while in reality Oab brings Gun into a deep kiss.

"You know he never minds those things. He never makes a fuss over them."

"Indeed. He's just too good for me, isn't he? I'm just too stupid to take his love for granted."

"You're hurting yourself by coming here, Off."

"I know. I think it's what I want to do—hurting myself. Because I think I don't get hurt enough. Because I think I didn't suffer as much as he doe—he did," he corrects himself when he sees how happy Gun is now.

"You're hurting just as much." Off appreciates Tay's generosity even though he knows it's bullshit. Off suffered less than Gun did. Everyone knows that.

"By cheating on him first when he was in his worst state? By leaving him for a woman when he just lost someone so dear to him—his mother? By making him crumble in silence and take all the blame in him? By robbing his every will to live so he almost had nothing to hold onto?"

"Off..."

"I want to fall apart like he did too, so I can feel less of a bastard. So I can feel less sinful. So I can redeem my mistakes, although I know I can never," he says, and he feels like he wants to cry now but he doesn't. He holds back his tears because the tears would only blur his eyesight and he couldn't hold Gun with blurred sight like that. "Because my mistake is simply unforgivable."

In his plain sight, Gun keeps dancing with Oab, losing themselves among people as if they don't care about anything at all. The night is theirs, and these people are cheering for them too.

Because today, they finally decide to tie the knot. Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat and Oabnithi Wiwattanawarang.

Gosh, he looks unbelievably happy with Oab it's honestly painful to see.

"You can't really blame him, can you? You can only blame yourself."

Off stares at Tay in confusion, not knowing what he's saying, not until a second later when he finally realizes that he's saying his thought out load for Tay to hear.

"Gun... he is—"

Off's words get cut off by a sudden silence from the stopped music, and Jennie's voice fills the silence afterwards.

He holds Gun tight with his gaze because their bodies are metres apart and their hearts are hundreds miles away. He holds him with his gaze tightly because he's missing him like a crazy, he starts to imagine that Mild is him and he starts to miss how Gun's wrapped arms around him feels like. He holds him with his gaze, knowing that from today onwards, Gun would completely disappears from his life into Oab's.

He falls into deaf ears to what Jennie is saying, but his scattered heart can feel the weight of the words 'congratulations', 'married', 'Oab and Gun', and a word that once belonged to Gun and him only—'love'.

All eyes are on the two lovebirds when Oab wraps his arm around Gun's slender figure. They smile at each other like there's only happiness in this world. At one moment Oab leans closer, his lips only an inch from Gun's but barely touching. Their gaze have a conversation in their own ways, and there's no language to translate that. A second later they're laughing at some unsaid joyful moments, and the crowd is roaring when they finally kiss.

The kiss lasts forever in Off's mind, but in reality it's only for five seconds top. When they finally break the kiss, Gun's gaze sweeps the room, wanting to picture the joyful moment in his mind, and for one second Off thinks he sees him.

But even if he does, he quickly averts his gaze, moving on to the next person his eyes see.

Moving on—just like what Gun does and Off fails to do. (Because maybe, just maybe, Off doesn't have the right to.)

_"He deserves a love like that."_

He continues his sentence, talking more to himself than to Tay.

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to say that I love Mild, and I find it cute to see her acting with Off so I just decide to make it as a pairing. Hehe thank you.


End file.
